My Personal Twist

Today I feel burdened about Ben's disease and what the future holds for his precious life. I have been following another blog called "Confessions Of A CF Husband" since last school year when my teacher shared their story. The author's wife has CF, unexpectedly got pregnant, had a double lung transplant around the same time of the birth of her daughter, and recently has been diagnosed with Post-Transplant Lymphoma (a serious type of cancer). This Christian couple has shown great faith through their journey and hardships...and it has been a true encouragement in my life since Ben has been diagnosed.

Lamentations 3: 22-25 - Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him." The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him.

As I plan to leave for school at the end of the week, I have made arrangements with Michelle to send me pictures and updates regularly so you will continue to be updated with Ben's health, prayer requests, and most importantly how God is working through his disease. As I prepare to be 300 miles away from my little guy, I have reflected a lot on what has happened this summer, which is why today's blog is more personal rather than strictly focusing on Ben's health. I listened again to Ben singing "Step by Step" and cried when I heard his sweet voice sing the words, "Oh God, you are my God. And I will ever praise you. I will seek you in the morning. And will learn to walk in your ways. And step by step You'll lead me. And I will FOLLOW YOU ALL OF MY DAYS."

From the bottom of my heart I hope and PRAY that one day these will not just be words to Ben, but they will become his life. This summer, Ben's life has completely changed me. I have been searching and I have been stretched through witnessing Ben's diagnosis and struggles. At the end of the summer ... I come to realize I'm at the same place at where I started. I'm still the same broken, lost soul who is longing for someone, something, anything to save me. And through the times when I felt like I was in an empty room streaming and no one could hear me ... there was someone who closed my mouth, held me in His arms, and brought peace, hope, and joy back into my life. It was God, My Savior, Jesus Christ who comforted me and our whole family and who saved us from despair. If you do not believe in Him today ... don't miss the signs. Let Ben's life be the sign that life is too precious and too easy to miss the true meaning and the true reason we take every breath. Jesus Christ is the reason and we are in desperate need of his faithfulness!